Family Member

The television screen flickered as my older brother Gerome sprinted across towards the cornucopia and did a double back flip over Yolanda Bubblebench and stabbed her in the throat with a sword, decapitating her. His kill total was up to three now and he was thirsty for more blood. Gerome seemed nervous when he was called to be a tribute in the Hunger Games but I knew that he would win it for our family. Once he entered into the cornucopia he snatched a backpack filled with a nylon rope, sword and bunch of food. The camera followed him as he ran into the woods and suddenly he was unseen as the camera view switched back to the kids near cornucopia. The thought crossed my mind that that was the last time that I would ever see my brother.

My entire family, mom, dad and younger brother all had our eyes constantly on the television. Almost as if we took our eyes off the screen Gerome would die. Each time that he came up on the screen the whole room seized their conversations with one another. Everyone was tense while watching, including me. I noticed my dad in the corner of my eye biting his finger nails. I knew from past experiences that this is what he did when he was worried. These past few days without Gerome at home has been challenging. It means that I need to do more work around the house which is never pleasurable. But, my motivation is that he is going to come home then I would be off to my normal chores. But then again, what if he dies and doesn’t come home. Oh, I would miss him so much. My brother has shown me the way through life and I still need him by my side to continue the journey. Overall I really miss my brother. He made my life so much fun but now without him I feel like I’m stuck in a black hole in which I can’t escape. Every night I say a little pray to myself before I go to bed wishing that he would come home safe and healthy. But the reality and probability of that happening was extremely slim. I would do anything to have him back home because without him our family isn’t complete.

3 Comments on Family Member

  1. 4jessicar
    May 22, 2014 at 5:03 pm (10 years ago)

    I liked how you chose to do a family member of the person who killed your character. I believe that you had a very good piece with lots of good, descriptive words. One sentence I liked was, ” Each time that he came up on the screen the whole room seized their conversations with one another.” I thought it had good sensory details. One thing you may want to change is in the sentence, “The thought crossed my mind that that was the last time that I would ever see my brother.” because it gives the reader the idea that he dies, which he doesn’t. You could change it to, ‘The thought crossed my mind that this could be the last time I see my brother.’

    Reply
  2. 4isabelleb
    May 22, 2014 at 5:05 pm (10 years ago)

    I think you did a really good job on this piece. It must have been difficult to have to show, not tell when you aren’t even in the Hunger Games, but I think you did it really well. Good work!

    Reply
  3. pat4
    May 22, 2014 at 5:07 pm (10 years ago)

    I agree with Jessica on how you did a different families perspective. I like how you went in detail about why you needed him home. The only thing I would change is to try and add some figurative language in there occasionally.

    Reply

Leave a Reply